Loneliness in the digital age, isolation, liquid relationships… or simply the desire to meet new people are reasons that lead us to want to talk to someone who is, up until that moment, a stranger.
This brief guide on how to start a conversation with a stranger will help you turn those thoughts into actions, covering everything from breaking the ice in the workplace to meeting interesting people through social media.
It’s likely that the person you want to communicate with is part of your educational or work environment—in short, someone you share space with daily. An indispensable tool is to have some knowledge about the person you plan to approach, whether it’s about the tasks they carry out at work, their interests that align with yours, or concerns that you both share.
In this scenario, where you share space with this person, a little curiosity and imagination is all you need to figure out what topic you can discuss to start the interaction. Perhaps, if you share the same boss at the office, you can exchange experiences about what it’s like to work under their supervision, or how demanding a common professor is if you’re in an educational setting. Any excuse is valid to start a conversation, as long as kindness and genuine interest come first; the person you approach will appreciate the gesture.
The first interaction can be brief; don’t try to force an extended conversation with someone you don’t know well, as this could create discomfort for either party. However, this person will now recognize you and will be aware of who you are and what role you play in their daily life. It’s important to note that conversations are reciprocal interactions, and it’s essential to consider the other person’s reaction to your words. If the person reacts in a distant manner, they may not be open to new friendships, and this is something we must respect from the start.
We can’t ignore the first conversations through social media. Nowadays, there are millions of new friendships and relationships that have started with an initial conversation on X (Twitter) or Instagram. In these cases, besides knowing a bit about the background of the person, the context in which that first message occurs will determine whether the relationship will be fruitful or not.
On Twitter, following an unknown person shouldn’t be unusual if you share a hobby or have a mutual friend. After interacting with some of their tweets, you can start a conversation about something that caught your attention on their profile or similar tastes. Often, these encounters fail due to the intrusiveness that can result from a conversation that’s too direct or tactlessness.
On Instagram, conversations with strangers should be more limited, as it’s unusual to follow someone you don’t know, unless they are a public figure. Therefore, it’s preferable to limit this type of contact to friends of friends.
Recently, videos of influencers interacting with strangers have gone viral, sometimes to play a prank, and in other cases with the intention of flirting with someone whose appearance caught their attention during a first encounter. It’s important to highlight that, in most examples, these videos are not representative of a respectful first approach. Moreover, it’s important to know how to read the room, as these interactions frequently happen in public spaces, such as parks, where we prefer to remain calm. Thus, it’s not recommended to start conversations in these situations unless the context is appropriate.
Ultimately, there’s no secret when it comes to learning how to start a conversation with a stranger; it’s simply a matter of placing the values of empathy, respect, kindness, consent, and tolerance above any
interest that might detract from a satisfying interaction for both parties.
